Ryan Brehm has leaned on family, friends since mother's passing

DALLAS, Texas -- When Ryan Brehm needs a reminder, he reaches for his back pocket. Inside his yardage book is his mom’s PGA TOUR credential. He wishes he didn’t have it. He would do just about anything for her to be wearing it, following along on the course and watching her son live out his dream.

That’s not Brehm’s reality. It’s taken him a while to accept that – even longer to feel comfortable talking about it. His mom, Debbie, was diagnosed with a brain tumor in September 2020 and passed away in January 2021 at age 61.

“Seeing someone you love so much go through that, it was just really difficult,” Brehm said this week at the AT&T Byron Nelson. “And my body, my mind, everything suffered from that.”

He still has random moments where emotion overtakes him. He’s bound to have one Sunday on Mother’s Day. Talking about the credential is tough, too, and he tears up a bit as he speaks. For the most part, though, he’s calm. It’s taken a lot of work to get to that point. Brehm finally feels like he’s getting healthy and back to his old self.

In the little over two years since his mother passed, Brehm dealt with debilitating bouts of grief and anxiety. It manifested in weird ways. Controlling his breathing became difficult, and he noticed irregular heart rhythms. Waves of “crazy anxiety” would roll through him without warning. That it happened amid a global pandemic didn’t help.

Meanwhile, Brehm was fighting to keep his TOUR card. He missed the cut in nine of his next 12 starts after his mom’s death, and withdrew from the Zurich Classic of New Orleans after testing positive for COVID-19. He finished the season 185th in the FedExCup and lost his card, but because of the WD, Brehm had a minor medical extension for one start. He chose to play the 2022 Puerto Rico Open – and won it by six shots.

The security of a two-year exemption has certainly aided Brehm in his golf stressors, but life stressors remained. He sought mental clarity and closure surrounding the passing of his mom. Brehm didn’t talk to a mental health professional; instead, his loved ones provided “the ultimate healing.” The list of people lining up to support him was long.

“When it happens to you, you think you're the only one who's been through it. But this is just part of life,” he said. "I had to verbalize the way I was feeling because I couldn't make sense of it.”

He sought out Neuropeak, a performance training and wellness company, to help develop a breathing routine to control his heartbeat. He re-prioritized his diet, a regular exercise routine and a consistent sleep schedule. Brehm was a skeptic at first. Would all these things really help? He had never dealt with mental health issues before his mom’s passing. Day by day he saw small improvements. Pile enough good days on top of each other and real progress begins to show. That’s Brehm’s story. He hopes others can take something from his struggles.

“Don't be afraid to open up about it,” he said, “because for me, that really helped me get through, get some sort of clarity quicker. In my opinion, if it festers inside, that leads to at least some real health problems.”

It also took him accepting that he will never be completely whole again – that there is perspective in going through loss.

“I firmly believe that, you know, you have to learn that it's OK to feel this way, and you probably always will,” he said.

When he’s contemplating a big decision, he thinks about what his mom would say. When he sees her credential in his yardage book, it’s a quick reminder to “act properly.” It’s taught him to cherish what he does have. It’s clarified that his purpose isn’t golf. Golf is a big part of who he is, sure, but his purpose is rooted in family, being a quality human being and treating others correctly.

“I think that's the purpose of death, is to teach us, you know, what life really means,” he said.